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November 19, 2012
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I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.
I listen to the ocean waves, gently lapping at the jetty's scaffolding.
The water seems so harmless- it would be so easy to just slip away.
It's like the ending I've always dreamed of- silent and without a fuss.
No one will know where I was- if they even notice I'm gone.
I slowly wriggle my toes, feeling the gnarled wooden planks, half rotting in their salty surroundings after years of strangers walking, playing, fishing.
But that's not what I'm here to do
I take another breath, letting the icy cold breeze enter my throat and fill it with bitter coolness.
For all I know, it'll be my last.
I step off the jetty, my body stiff yet calm.
Although the impact shocks my body and sends it into a shivering spasm, I know I'm okay.
This is what I've always wanted, and now I have the opportunity.
I let the salty water envelope my body, the cool liquid sinking into every dimple and blemish in my skin.
It's cold, but nice.
I put up without a fuss, and let it fill my mouth, my ears, my nose.
I watch as the bubbles explode around me, scaring away the smaller fish and creating ripples in the water above.
Just for a moment, my mind flickers, unsure.
Was this the right thing to do?
I know the answer, but I think it's too late.
My arms and legs thrash madly in the water, trying to get another breath of oxygen- but all it does it push me down deeper.
The opportunity has passed, I've waited to long- there's no escaping it now.
I silently close my eyes as my slim figure drifts down down down, deeper and deeper until I'm at the ocean's bottom.
And then everything stops.
Black patches cloud my vision, and I know.
I'm gone.
:iconkeesarokuri:
A little story that appeared out of my muse-less mind. Don't know where it came from.
So yes.

And thanks to :iconkatsanovari: for her tips :3
:iconencounterethereal:
I really enjoyed reading this. It put a really good picture in my head of what the person was doing and where she was. Very good description. Despite it being a more sad short story it was well written! I like a story that makes you wonder and ask the question... why? Here I am asking why is she out on a dock? Why is she getting in the water? Why is she drowning herself? Why did she rethink her decision?

I love it! I hope you keep writing and maybe post some more? Looking forward to reading more of your work! =)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconcaiktinrose:
A well-written piece for your first literature submission. You did really well on the impact side of things, it was a very effective way of portraying some of your thoughts. Your technique is rather polished as well, I like how it's not in full paragraph format, almost like a poem but resembling a story; it's good to read. Your originality falls slightly short of the impact and vision, mainly because I think you could put more of your characters thoughts into this. Thoughts such as what caused such a situation, what happened leading up to this, and perhaps you could pinpoint more thoughts that your character is having at the time. You have a great deal of feeling in there which is awesome, and your description is stunning, but more thoughts would be the icing on the cake.

Your technique is something that comes with practicing writing more. Your technique as it is now is commendable, but it can be improved. It links back to adding more thought into it, that could become part of your technique? I also notice you use a hyphen a lot to connect sentences, and there are other ways of doing this, such as using commas and semi colons.

All in all, a very readable piece of work. I'm glad you submitted it! Keep in mind your technique and originality, you're well on your way to becoming a fantastic writer.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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